Time Will Tell
by Delicate Strawberry Sama
Summary: "Guess who's the biggest dork ever? It's me folks! It's. Freaking. Me." Follow the complicated life of a horny teenage boy, who has to live under the same roof as his attractive principle and a beautiful scholar, as he tries to work up the courage to get the attention of the foreign girl of his dreams.
1. Hangover

**Chapter 1: Hangover**

Why do I drink? It's not as if anything good ever comes of it. I lack any recollection of the night before – in which I could have possibly impregnated a complete stranger, as trusting my drunken self to put on a condom is like trusting a cucco to take the wheel of a speeding car. Not to mention I wake up a complete mess.

Like now.

Although familiar, the sensation of having my skull squeezed by a Goron makes me want to pop a bullet in my skull. Actually, no. Make that three bullets. Half my face is buried in a flat pillow, the one eye that is wide open is staring into the darkness. I thank the Goddesses that the room is dark, then immediately curse Them for the unending pounding of my head after I move half an inch.

Having grown up on a ranch and being a lover of animals, I can say I am well informed about the sight, smell, sound, taste and feeling of shit. So believe me when I say that I literally feel like _utter shit_.

And oh shit, I wanna shit.

While I am having a battle with myself to decide whether to stay put or get up and use the bathroom, I hear the opening of a door. Footsteps sound like bursts of thunder, and at this point, all I want to do is drill into my head because I am one hundred percent certain that that would hurt less than my headache right now. My ears ring as I pull the covers of the bed I'm on over my head in a vain attempt to block out the sound. Yet they are yanked off, exposing my naked self to whomever stood above me. I shiver and whine, suffocating myself in the pillow.

"Get up," the person bellows. Well, at least it _sounds_ like a bellow. I shake my head, suddenly feeling extremely sick. "Up boy. I've got a bar to run."

If only to shut her up, I slowly rise, squinting up to see the busty Telma, a cup of water in one hand, a plastic bucket hanging off the same arm. She doesn't looked amused, but the glint in her eye tells me she's loving this. She always does.

With a banging head and churning stomach, I stand from the bed, leaning most of my weight against her free side, and she leads me to the ensuite bathroom of the room. She hands me the water and the bucket once I'm sat on the toilet, leaving with a mocking grin on her face.

_'This has got to stop,' _I think to myself, downing the water. It's not tasteless like water is supposed to be, because medicine had been dissolved in it. Telma's not so magic hangover potion is known for working almost immediately. Only problem is, I end up feeling like a bigger, sloppier pile of utter shit.

The world spins, my insides spinning in the opposite direction. I drop the cup – luckily it's not glass – and clutch the bucket. My eyes water and my throat burns as my insides forcefully push their way out of my body, through _both_ ends.

_'This has got to stop,'_ I think again as I heave and cough, sweat cold against my hot skin. I'm weak and trembling, it's a miracle I actually manage to stay upright. Too bad the same can't be said for the bucket on my lap. It topples to the side, clattering on the tiled ground. I peak at the mess, then groan, knowing that I was going to have to clean it up.

Even as I think, _'This has got to stop,'_ for the third time, I doubt that an end is in sight.

_XOXOXOX_

Once showered and finished cleaning vomit off the floor, I go downstairs to the bottom floor of Telma's Bar. It doubled as a sort of bed and breakfast, with six identical accommodations on the second and third floor. Although I use it all for the bed, the breakfast is more often than not replaced with sex. Which I don't mind, or else I'd have to pay an additional one hundred and fifty rupees for the breakfast.

I place the clean bucket and cup on the counter of the bar, sitting on a stool. "Better?" Telma asks, coming to collect the items.

"Much, thanks."

"Now, am I also going to get the rupees, or should I just add it to your ever increasing tab?"

I chuckle nervously. "Telma..."

"Yes honey, I know. You'll have the money 'by next week'! You _always_ do." She just laughs it off, going to put away the bucket. I watch her, until a flat chest blocks my view.

"You orderin' anything?"

I look up and smile at my childhood friend, Ilia. "Do you have anything for free?"

Like she anticipated it, she puts a glass of water down in front of me, ice cubes floating in it. "Enjoy." She smiles back at me. As I take my first sip, she asks, "Did you at least catch their name?"

"I can't even remember what she looked like," I reply. Ilia tuts.

"Did you use protection?"

I rummage through the pockets of my jeans, unable to find a condom. "Hey, looks like I did this time!"

"At least one of you was sober enough." Ilia sighs. "Link, I worry for you."

I groan, throwing my head into my heads. "Not this again..."

"I'll stop lecturing you when you stop doing _this_! You're my best friend, and I care for you. What if one of your livers give out, or you catch STDs, or you-"

"I'm _fine_."

"Will you still be saying that when you're a homeless father of three, eating out of a trash can, fending off thugs with two month old nappies?"

I chuckle. "Do you have my whole life planned out?"

Ilia doesn't laugh. She doesn't even smile. While her concern is annoying, it also hurts. It's hard not to feel guilty about something that you know keeps someone up at night. I ignore this guilt as best as I can, not wanting Ilia to know about it. "Look Ilia, I'm fine. And if something bad does happen to me, then you can just say 'I told you so', right?"

She huffs. "You're an idiot."

"I know how much you love telling me that." When a grin doesn't even make her smile, I sigh. "Okay, I promise that next week I'll drink less."

"Why not promise that next week you won't come at all?"

"Then the sex wouldn't be much fun, would it?" I laugh when Ilia throws a rag at my face, a light blush on her cheeks.

"Oh ha ha," she says. A smile tugs at her lips though. "Oh well. One step at a time, I guess. But remember, you promised."

"You won't let me forget, will you?"

"Nope." She snatches the rag from my hands, putting it in a pocket at the front of her apron. "Now, finish your drink and leave."

"Can't I stay and admire the scenery?" I wriggle my eyebrows at her.

This time we both laugh when she throws the rag at me again.

* * *

**Well, didn't this just appear out of the blue? Blame the Plot Bunnies. I'm surrounded by them.**

**This fanfic spawned from the thought that I wanted to write a shipping fic with my OT3 in it (TP Ganondorf x Zelda x Link) because I suck when it comes to writing romance. This fic is only proof of that though, because when we do meet Ganondorf and Zelda, you'll find no romance in the air whatsoever. And Link has his eyes for someone else any way, as we'll find out in the next chapter.**

**If you couldn't tell already, TWT [Time Will Tell] is set in the TP universe, but that doesn't mean surprise characters won't pop up now and again. ;P And sorry (or you're welcome?), but the chapters are also going to be quite short, which is why I already have the next two chapters up! So what are you still here for? Go and read the next two!**


	2. Prieto

**Chapter 2: Prieto**

Lanayru High School is the largest in the city of Hyrule. A little over two thousand people attend, myself included, ranging from ages thirteen to eighteen. Classes usually have over thirty people in them, with the students sitting at desks that accommodate two people, unless you chose a subject such as textiles, in which case you're sitting in front of a sewing machine for an hour. Of all these people, most of the time I'll be found with only two – Ilia and Fado.

And of all these people, I only have my eyes for one.

Okay, that's cheesy and a lie. Surrounded by around four hundred people my age, of course there are going to be a few people that are very attractive. Only problem is, most of the pretty girls are airheads and almost all of the pretty guys are assholes (and that's putting it _nicely_).

But this 'one' is neither.

She's only in one of my lessons, Hylian with Ms. Tena, a chirpy little thing – like most foreigners are. Only she isn't little, nor is she a thing. Then again, very few people can be considered 'little' when compared with my small stature.

Anyway, moving back to 'the one', most of my Hylian lessons are spent looking in her direction, like right now. I constantly envy the boy who was assigned a seat next to her, at the desk by the door. But I don't work myself up too much about it, as she doesn't talk to him.

Well, she doesn't talk to anybody.

Whenever I see her outside of class, she's alone. It's as if she's always staring into space, the same blank, bored expression on her face. Like Tena, she's also foreign, however she's not chirpy at all. I haven't heard her talk _once_, although she's sat in the front row of the classroom. It's as if she made a deal to Tena never to pick on her for anything. Not that she needs to participate in class. Whenever we are given back homework or practice exams, Tena makes it obvious to everyone of her great marks. Again, like right now.

"And Miss Prieto, an A star again!" Tena places the stapled pages of paper in front of her. Like always, she doesn't say a word, only nods, signalling Tena to move on to the next person.

Prieto is her surname. Her first?

Midna.

Midna Prieto. She gives 'tall, dark and handsome' a whole new meaning. She's above the average height of most girls in my year, although she's not abnormally tall. Her skin is a strange mix of pale blue and charcoal, with glowing tattoos along her forearms. However, I'm not sure if they really are tattoos or just extremely cool birthmarks. She dresses all in black too, in an intriguing mix of modesty – from covering her legs with long skirts – and sensuality – by leaving her midriff exposed. It seems to be a custom for the Twili people to cover their heads too, as both she and Zant – the strange deputy head of the school who also happens to be from the Twilight Realm – as well as other Twili that roam around wear hats or scarves or any sort of headdress. Midna's scarf covers her head for the most part, as her fiery fringe is in full view, and the end of her ponytail which rests on her impressive bosom (not that I look in that area often or anything).

To be honest, all of Midna is impressive. Her mature face and sharp chin, toned stomach, and those delicious _hips _that the hem of her skirt teasingly hangs off. Can I really be blamed for just wanting to watch her all day? Surrounded by a punch of pale, scrawny Hylians, of course Midna is going to look like some sort of Goddess. If she _were_ a Goddess, there wouldn't a doubt that I'd go to the sanctuary every Saturday _and _Sunday to pray my ass off.

Though one strange thing about Midna is that she's eighteen years old, or so I've heard, yet here she is, in Year Twelve, where everyone is either sixteen or seventeen. If she were held back a year because she isn't very smart, that'd make sense, only Midna is smart. I can't vouch for any of her other subject choices, but I know her Hylian is on point. Which raises the question as to why she's in the year below.

Midna Prieto: intelligent, beautiful and mysterious. What more could a guy ask for? If you haven't guessed already, I could go on and on about Midna for hours. Too bad Hylian is only one hour, and that hour just finished.

The bell rings, signalling the end of the lesson and the rush to get to the next. Nobody sits next to me in Hylian, so I pick my bag up from the vacant seat next to me, stuffing the days work into it. Tena says her goodbyes to the students that pass her, Midna already out of the door. Knowing that there's no way I can catch up – from many past experiences – I stroll from the room. As soon as I leave the room though, my arm is grabbed and I'm yanked aside. I find my footing before I fall face first into the ground, then turn to see Ilia and Fado looking expectantly at me.

"So?" Fado grins, looking down at me. From his towering height, it's hard for even me to remember that he's only one year older than me. "Hook up with The One yet?"

"Yes Fado, I finally worked up the courage to get up in the middle of my lesson and ask Midna out. How ever did you guess?" Each word was thoroughly marinated in sarcasm, and I roll my eyes for extra effect. Ilia laughs while Fado just pouts.

"Don't worry, I'm sure he'll ask her out one day," Ilia says, patting Fado's arm, as if it's _his_ crush that he's too scared to ask out. Then again, that wouldn't be entirely false, as Fado has had this thing for Ilia for as long as I've known him, which is practically my entire life.

"Yeah, on the day that pigs achieve wingless flight," I add.

Fado just punches his hand, looking up in determination. "Biology, don't fail me now!"

"Speakin' of which, won't _you_ fail if you don't get to it right now?" Ilia says, looking at her watch. "It's on the other side of the school!"

She shows her watch to him, his expression then turns into that of shock. "Ah! Sorry guys, catch you for lunch!" Fado sprints past us, though there's no doubt he'll make it in time with his long legs. Still, Ilia and I just laugh.

"Health and social?" I ask. She nods.

"Textiles?" she asks. I nod.

As our lessons are in the same area, we walk down together, chatting and laughing.

* * *

**Just want to elaborate on the whole 'hijab-wearing Twili' thing. It's just something I noticed in the game: Zant has that big ass mask on until near the end of the game, and even then he's covering his head with that armour thing... Midna is the same: she wears a mask in her imp form, and her true form has her wearing a scarf-cloak thing over her head. Even the Twilight Messengers have huge masks! So yeah, it just seems like a Twili thing to have your head and/or face covered. Midna is said to have more of an Eastern vibe compared to Zelda's Western one, so that may be linked to it. *shrug***

******Also, for the sake of this fanfic, Midna is eighteen. I'd imagine her to be older than Zelda in Twilight Princess, but if she were in this fic, then I wouldn't really know what to do with her, because she wouldn't go to school, nor would she be in university, so yeah, Link wouldn't really get a chance to meet her. ********And in high school, I had a friend who - although he was older than me - was in the year below. He never really explained to us why, but I'm making this the case for Midna. 'Foreign complications', I'll assume.**

******Midna's surname, Prieto, is Spanish and is used to ****describe a person who is dark in appearance (such as hair, eyes, skin, etc.).**


	3. Home

**Chapter 3: Home**

I squeal, dropping my phone onto my lap. Ilia and Fado both look at me from inside Fado's pick up truck. "You alright?" Ilia questions. I gasp, rolling off the hood of the truck. "_Link_!" Ilia gets out and comes to my side. Unable to talk, I hand her my phone, still gasping for air. Luckily, my phone survived the drop along with me.

Ilia reads what's on the screen, then frowns. "Geez, Link, I thought it was somethin' serious! Don't scare me!"

"It _is_ serious!" I retort.

"What is it?" Fado asks, humour coating his words.

"The-the Indigo-Go's... areplanningatourinhyrule!" I squee, shaking my hands dramatically.

"In Hylian please?"

Ilia sighs. "The Indigo-Go's are coming to Hyrule for a concert," she answers for me. Fado laughs. Ilia tuts. "Link, how do you even plan to go if you don't have the money? Link? Are you actually _crying_?"

"Of joy!" I cry, wiping my eyes. "Just... how don't you understand? This is literally the best thing _ever_." I snatch my phone back from Ilia, reading and rereading the bold headline. _"Indigo-Go's announce plans to tour Hyrule."_

"_Indigo-Go's announce plans to tour Hyrule."_

"_Indigo-Go's announce plans to tour Hyrule."_

I squeal again, falling to the hard concrete under me. But under my excitement, the concrete feels like Cloud Nine. I begin to giggle hysterically as I kick my legs up and down. Just the _thought_ of being able to see Mikau up close... Oh! I can't take it!

"_Link_!" Ilia shouts, stopping my thoughts before they become inappropriate. She pulls me up, then glares at me. "Geez, do you always have to fanboy when the Go-Go's are mentioned?"

How can't she understand?! "How can't you understand?!"

"Have you even read past the headline?" Fado calls. I pause. Ilia tuts again, then stops me before I can look down at my phone. "Look, do that when we're _not_ around, okay? The last thing I need is to be cleaning your remains off Fado's car."

I chuckle slightly. Well, maybe she understands a _bit_...

"Connolly," a deep voice echoes throughout the parking lot. We don't even have to look to know who it is.

"Thank goodness, huh?" Fado sighs. Ilia hums in agreement, sitting back in the passenger seat of the truck. I dust myself off of the dirt that managed to stick to my shirt before saying my farewells, grabbing my bag and jogging over to a larger, cleaner car. I open the door, then literally _climb_ in, landing on an oversized, leather seat. I hear Fado start his car and drive out of school grounds, as the driver of this car takes his time.

"Getting old out there Dorfie?" I holler. The driver's door swings open, and I'm met with golden eyes burning with rage. I press my lips together, trying my absolute hardest not to laugh or smile.

"Principle Dragmire," is all Dorfie snaps at me. I stare at my phone, my cheeks going red with the amount of concentration it's taking not to even _snigger_. Only, when I look back at the screen, I see that beautiful headline again, and am unable to hold back the biggest grin from stretching across my face. Both Dorfie and I close our car doors at the same time, as well as buckle ourselves in simultaneously too. "Whatever it is, no," Dorfie says.

"But the Indigo-Go's-"

"_Definitely_ no!"

I scowl, crossing my arms and reading the rest of the article as Dorfie starts up his monster car. Although it's large in size, it's almost completely soundless and runs as smooth as gems belonging to Zora royalty, which are known to be irresistibly smooth. Ah, I shouldn't be thinking about the Zoras anyway, or they'll turn into thoughts about Mikau again...!

So, you're probably wondering why I'm in the same car as the principle of Lanayru High School, Ganondorf Dragmire, or simply 'Dorfie' – as he's forced to put up with. The answer is simple: because I live with him.

It's not a secret to anybody at school that I live with the principle. Those that don't know me by name know me as the guy that lives with Principle Dragmire. But what _is_ a secret is how exactly we ended up together. It's obvious that we're not related, from Dorfie's dark Gerudo skin to his ginger locks. Neither is he an adoptive parent or guardian of mine. The two of us aren't even friendly with each other, which only further confuses everyone else and humours me. People have made up rumours and theories about us though. Like how is it possible for such a lazy person such as I to get good grades in all of my subjects? We're obviously fucking behind the scenes! Or maybe Dorfie immigrated illegally, so he needs to live with a Hylian in order to stay in the country! All Gerudo are obviously thieves, so he stole parentless me from my little orphanage or whatever!

Unfortunately wrong, so wrong, and wrong again. It's lucky that they don't know about the _third_ person who lives with us, or else that'd blow their tiny minds.

Oh Goddesses... I give a little screech, doing the erratic jazz hands again. Dorfie – who has mastered the art of ignoring me – is unfazed and continues driving through the streets brimming with traffic. My fingers swipe over the touch screen a dozen times before I start texting Ilia.

"_guess wat band r collabing with go gos?"_ I send. I wait a few seconds before she replies.

"_Who?"_

"_rolling gorons!"_

I can just imagine her growing smile. She sends me a spazzing emote. I chuckle. No doubt she'd tell Fado too, though he may almost crash. Maybe she won't tell him until later then.

"_Fado almost crashed when I told him"_

Never mind.

"_so youll get me tickets now?" _I add a herd of winking emotes before sending.

"_We'll see..."_ She adds a winking yellow face of her own. What a tease.

The rest of the journey home is much like this; Dorfie driving and I texting and scrolling through my phone. Once he wades through the traffic, it's a clear stretch ahead. By then, the sounds of me slashing at virtual vegetables are filling the car. I barely notice that he's parked when I reach the end of the level. Not quite enough to beat my high score.

I leap from the car while Dorfie steps out. An extremely large car for an extremely large man. I pocket my phone and shoulder my bag, heading towards the entrance of the large apartment complex we're parked next to.

I used to want to be as tall as Dorfie before I met him. Back in Ordon, those that didn't mock me for my height would make promises that I'd hit a growth spurt sooner or later, and shoot up to be as tall, if not taller than, Fado. I dreamt of that day for such a long time, until I moved to Hyrule and found myself under the same roof as my principle. His pains of being over seven foot became our pains. He had to spend money on bigger chairs, bigger clothes, bigger cars, bigger _everything_. If his tailor is unavailable for _one weekend_, I'd know. If car fuel increases by _one rupee_, I'd know. If he hits his head on a door frame or light or _anything_, the whole street will know. After being in his presence for so long, the dream of growing taller slowly vanished, until you get me now, glad that I haven't grown an inch past five foot one and happy to stay that way.

By now, Dorfie pushes his key into the lock of our front door, twisting it, then guiding the door open, he entering our large apartment. I go in after him to hear eager barking and rapid footsteps. I grin as a golden retriever puppy bounds up to me from the kitchen, circling around my legs. I grab and cuddle him, he lapping at my cheek. "Hey Shade! Yeah, I missed you too boy! Geez, stop already!"

I meant so jokingly, but Shade jumps from my arms anyway. He circles around Dorfie as he enters the kitchen, I following close behind. Dorfie pays the growing pup little mind.

In the kitchen we find the third human inhabitant of our flat. Zelda is wearing her iconic purple hoodie with the red eye of the Sheikah printed on the chest. She's at the dining table, a small plate with a half eaten bagel to her left, and masses of papers to her right. She doesn't look up at either of us when she mumbles, "Dinner's in the fridge."

Zelda Harkinian is as smart as she is beautiful, but also as cold as she is smart. In the few years I've lived with both Dorfie and Zelda, I haven't seen Zelda smile _once_. She doesn't even smile when talking about the one thing she loves the most, the Sheikahs. She attends the University of Hyrule, which is second to the best university: Golden Three Uni. The reason she doesn't go _there_ is because it's, I quote, 'too far and too expensive'. For somebody so smart, Zelda constantly forgets that she's the daughter of the mayor, meaning that she can have anything she wants at the click of her fingers. To be honest, it's something both Dorfie and I regularly forget too.

Like now.

"Did you take Shade for a walk?" I ask, pulling a plate of two bagels, potatoes and salad from the fridge. Dorfie takes out his considerably bigger plate with considerably bigger portions.

"No," Zelda answers, her voice monotonous. As always.

"Why not? You get home _hours_ before we do!"

"It's not my job to look after your pet."

"Geez Zelda! Do you only study all day? You could study while you walk Shade!"

"Again, not my job to look after _your_ pet. And the only reason I study all the time is because I don't want to become a parasitic deadbeat who squanders rent money on booze and sex, all the while fapping to people of a different species that I'd never have a chance in the Underworld with, begging my friends and housemates for money because instead of looking for a job, I'd think I'm achieving something by spending hours in a virtual reality, the only reality I'd be respected in, killing thousands of soldiers or zombies or pigs, depending on what mood I feel like."

I stand, silent and frozen in place. Zelda didn't even look up from her work. I watch her take a bite from her bagel. Behind me, Dorfie mutters, "I think she's talking about you."

"Yes, I know she's talking about me!" I shout. Dorfie takes his food from the microwave, I throwing my plate in and slamming the door shut.

"Throwing a hissy fit isn't going to solve anything," Zelda says.

"_Throwing a hissy fit negh negh negh_," I mimic in a high voice. To think, I was in a _good_ mood before I got here. Once my food is warm, I bag the bagels in a reseal bag, leaving the rest in the microwave. "I'm taking Shade for a walk, because I don't wanna become a cold, heartless, humourless, whiny, inconsiderate, disrespectful, stuck up, over appreciated, friendless, smartass _loner_." I glare at Zelda, but she's unphased, still scribbling notes into a notebook.

"Bye," she says.

With a cry, I throw my arms up. I dump my schoolbag by the door, find Shade's leash in my room before I hook his collar up to it, then storm out of the apartment.

As I stomp down the many stairs to the entrance, Shade hopping and yapping ahead of me, I think back to one thing Zelda said, and can't help thinking that maybe she's right about it.

Maybe virtual reality _is_ the only reality I'm respected in.

* * *

**Link's playing Vegetable Sheikah! (omG, I'm just so done. XD) Notes for this chapter:**

**I've already written Chapter 4 (and chapter 11 for some reason...) but I'll wait a bit before uploading it. Too much of one thing is bad for you, y'know.  
****I imagine Ganondorf to have a Land Rover type car. Now I don't know too much about cars, but I've been in one of those babies, and for the ten minutes I was inside it felt like flippin' Heaven, okay? Car enthusiasts much ****literally cream their pants at cars like that, because _holy flippin' moly_.  
And what did I tell you people about there not being a chance of my OT3 happening? I guess Link calling Ganondorf 'Dorfie' is cute, but that's partly because I don't want to keep on typing Ganondorf out. And okay, that extremely subtle 'Unfortunately wrong' comment is also there. And yeah, Link thinks Zelda is beautiful. But other than that, they all hate each other. I wonder how they did end up together...?  
And yes, Rolling Gorons is a play on Rolling Stones. Sue me.**

******Link's surname, Connolly, is Irish and means 'descendant of the valorous', which is exactly what TP Link is.**

******Thanks for reading!**


	4. Plans

**Chapter 4: Plans**

Maybe I'm a masochist. Maybe there's a part of me outside of my subconscious that really enjoys putting myself through pain, so it urges me to drink myself into a hangover for satisfaction. Maybe that's why I drink.

Or maybe my drunken self just really likes getting laid.

I shouldn't be thinking so deeply as soon as I wake up from a hangover. My ass stings, but my head isn't pounding as much as usual – thanks to me keeping my promise to Ilia and not drinking as much last night. One step at a time, she said. Whether the step will go anywhere is another problem that I don't feel much like solving.

I sigh, pulling the thick blanket closer to me. Why are beds so warm? Were they designed for anybody to even _leave_ them? Maybe they were meant to be prisons before they became beds. I open my eyes, then immediately stifle as gasp. Maybe that's the reason _this_ bed is so warm.

My face burns as I stare at the face of a sleeping stranger. Goddesses, he's attractive. Although that's not the reason I'm blushing. It's more for the reason that aching ass plus hot guy plus booze equals... well, I'll let you do the math. My head hurts too much to be solving equations right now.

I roll from the bed as quietly as possible, ignoring my aching _everything everywhere_, and snatch all my clothes from the floor, which are surprisingly all heaped together in a pile. Usually they're scattered around, meaning that finding one article of clothing is like going through a treacherous dungeon full of complicated puzzles.

With all my clothes in hand, I scramble from the room on shaky legs. Previous experience has taught me that there is nothing more awkward and embarrassing than facing the stranger you shared your body with the night beforehand, which is why I'm literally throwing myself down the stairs leading to the bar. I tumble past Ilia and Telma setting up for the day, going straight for the mens' toilet.

Poop. Vomit. Get dressed. Wash face. Regret.

I regret for a bit _too_ long, as Ilia peeks around the door, actual concern on her face. "You okay?"

I nod.

She waits for me until I stagger out of the bathroom, following close behind me. Telma gives me a grin when she sees me, causing me to groan. Nothing good comes from her mouth when she has that sly grin on her face.

I sit at the counter just as the bar phone starts ringing. Ilia rushes to answer it. Telma drops a glass of her hangover tonic in front of me. "A very handsome man left while you were wallowing in your self pity in the bathroom," Telma starts. I moan. "He was kind enough to pay the room's bill for the _both_ of you."

"What?" I cry. "Really?!" Telma only nods, the grin never leaving her face. My head falls into my hands. "I feel really bad. I can't even thank him."

"Ah, don't worry about that honey. Here." She hands me a scrap of paper. A number. Telma laughs at my contorted face. "He must really like you. What were you doing last night?"

I fold the paper before ripping it up. "I have no idea." With my ass still tingling, I don't want to have any idea. It wouldn't be the first time a person has left me their number. I don't know what they expect me to do with it. If they think that trying to hook up with the guy who was drunk off his rockers the night before is going to work out, then I like to think I'm doing them a favour by denying every one of them.

I sigh before gulping down all of Telma's tonic. As expected, it takes affect immediately, my head feeling heavy and throat burning. A minute later and all previous pains are gone. Ilia pops out from around the corner just as I finish recovering, a smile on her face. "Who was it?" Telma asks, placing another glass – of water, this time – in front of me.

"It was my dad." Ilia turns to me. "Rusl arrived this mornin', and he was already askin' about you."

I raise a brow, grinning. "Really?"

Ilia nods. "Yep. In fact, he said that he wants to see you. He'll only be stayin' for a few nights, and it's been ages since you last saw him, right?"

I tilt my head. "You've already planned the whole thing out, haven't you?"

With a sheepish chuckle, Ilia replies, "Well, yeah. Telma, is it alright if I go home early today? That way I can take Link back with me, so he has more time to see Rusl. Then you can just come back tomorrow after school."

"Sounds like a plan, alright," Telma says. "Sure you can finish early honey, but it's gonna be unbearable without you around."

"What do you mean? I'm taking Link with me, so you won't have to put up with him!"

The two laugh while looking at me, like they expect my reaction to humour them more. I hide my scowl with the large glass of water, gulping down a mouthful.

"Geez Link, I'm jokin'!" Ilia sniggers, prodding my cheek. "You're not all that bad." A glare is her response. She just laughs it off. "Now hurry up so you can go home and get ready! I know how long you like to take. I want to see you here at three pm sharp!"

_XOXOXOX_

A shower, nap, dog walk, and packed bag later, it's almost two thirty, meaning that I should be heading over to Telma's bar if I want to make it there on time. I walk into the living room, string bag hanging from one shoulder. Dorfie is watching pre-recorded drama on TV, Zelda with her face in a book.

"I'm going to Ordon," I say. "I'll be back tomorrow after school." Neither look up from what they're doing.

"Okay," Zelda replies.

"Take the mutt," Dorfie adds. "And can't you arrange to stay for longer? Like maybe, forever?"

"Exactly what I was thinking," Zelda mutters, although it's very audible.

I scoff, rolling my eyes. "Geez, you could at least say 'bye'."

"We'll send your things when you make up your mind," Zelda says.

"I love you too," I mumble, turning from the room. I find Shade and his leash in my bedroom. After packing another, smaller, bag for some supplies, I leash up the dog for the second time the day, then leave the apartment.

* * *

**I seriously hate listening to Ballad of the Goddess because I can't go _one second_ without getting a serious case of the feels; stomach churning, eye sweating, heart throbbing _feels_. But I still listen to it anyway _because it's just so damn good. _Ahem... notes for this chapter...**

******'Link's _what_?!' You ask yourself. Well, maybe you don't. I doubt you do. But I sure do. For the sake of this fanfiction, I made Link identify as bisexual (if you hadn't guessed already). You might think 'Okay, so what?', but I don't like to label Link as any sexual orientation (or any Zelda character for that matter). Link just _is_. He can do the frick frack snick snack with as many guys and/or gals as he wants, but he's just _Link_. That's his sexuality: _just is._ "If you're willin', then I'm billin'." XD  
**

******Thanks for reading!**


	5. Ordon

**Chapter 5: Ordon**

I don't visit the Ordona Province very often. I only go for most of the winter, spring and summer holidays, and maybe even a couple of visits in between. It's safe to say I'm in the city for most of the year, where I'm under-appreciated and mistreated.

I guess I've kind of gotten used to that though.

"_Link's here_!"

"Where?"

"Link! Link!"

"He's got Shade too!"

I forget that I'm thought of as some sort of hero in Ordon.

Ilia gives me a knowing smile, maybe from the awkward face I'm pulling. A part of me is already beginning to miss Zelda's bitter remarks.

Shade manages to make me let go of his leash as he runs for the children screaming towards me. He makes a suitable distraction for the majority of them, the adults coming out of their small bungalows to see what the commotion is about.

Ilia and I head over to the largest house in the small square of land that holds the houses of the residents. It's the only two storey house in sight. Three men are waiting on the porch, but I only recognise two of them. "Why, if it isn't the City Boy!" Bo calls out. I smile at my nickname. Before I can even reach the porch, Bo is already down and catches me in a bear hug. Any air that may have been happily resting in my lungs is forced out, leaving me completely breathless. "It's good to see you again so soon!"

"You... too..." I choke.

"Dad, you're killin' him!" Ilia snaps. It takes another second for my adoptive father to understand what Ilia meant before he lets me go, he apologising while chuckling sheepishly. I gasp, refilling my lungs with a sufficient amount of oxygen.

"So, how have you been?" I look up to the source of the voice, another smile taking up half of my face when I see Rusl, the last person following him down the porch stairs.

"Ah, just the usual. And you?"

"Much of the same." We exchange a quick hug. "You remember Auru, right?"

I look to the man standing beside Rusl. By the groves in his skin and his white hair, I can assume he must be even older than Bo. It isn't the coldest winter afternoon either, yet he's still clad in thick clothes. Nevertheless, I shake my head at Rusl's question, uttering an apology myself.

"That's alright, Lincoln," Auru says as we shake hands. I stop myself from cringing at my real name. "The first time we met was only brief, and I understand teenagers have a lot on their minds nowadays."

True. Thoughts about Midna and Mikau probably do take up a lot of my memory.

"_Link!_"

Everyone turns in time to see the children and Shade running my way. Couldn't Shade keep them occupied for a _little_ longer? Most of the air is pushed out of me again when Talo throws himself at me. I try to stay standing, but trip over my own two feet, sending us both spiralling onto the ground.

"Ow," I mumble. Talo just bursts out laughing, hugging me tighter.

"C'mon brat, get offa him!" Beth snaps. She and Ilia help me up when Talo scuttles away. My back is sore and stinging. It doesn't feel any better when Beth throws her arms around my torso, squeezing me. "Hi Link," she coos. "We've all missed you, y'know."

"I don't doubt that," I wheeze. I feel as Ilia dusts the shoulders of my shirt, somewhat distracting me from the pain in my back.

"Well, come on inside then!" Beth says, taking my left hand and leading me up into Bo's home. "Surely you want somewhere to put your bag, and Aunt Uli's makin' a feast for you an' Uncle Rusl tonight!"

The thought of Uli's cooking makes me mentally salivate. Good Goddesses, Uli can _cook_. She's on par with Dorfie as the best cook ever. Farore must love me to have me in the company of great chefs wherever I go.

"Beth!" Talo whines. "That was supposed to be a surprise!" Beside him, his quiet little brother, Malo, just rolls his eyes.

Rusl chuckles, waving it off. "It doesn't matter. I think we're both too old for surprises!"

Yeah, I'm so old I may just have a heart attack.

Ilia allows me to put my bags in her room. Fado is supposed to be here for the dinner, so I'm to go home with him. Like me, Fado used to live in Ordon, but he moved into a flat on the outskirts shortly before I left.

Until dinner is ready, I spend my time going around greeting the other residents of Ordon, who've all apparently missed me so much, even though I was here only a couple of months back for the Winter Festival, which is the reason I'm still in debt with Ilia. I set Shade off to distract the kids, although he only seems to take a liking to the timid Colin. When Talo throws a stick, Shade gives it to Colin instead. Because of this, Talo drags me to them, demanding that I teach him how to get Shade to bring the stick back to him. Ten minutes feel more like an eternity, and I have to force myself not to hurl inappropriate insults at my dog for daring to have a free will and an opinion. Then when Ilia comes to take me away to visit the stables, I have to force back a large sigh of relief until we are well away from the kids.

"What's gotten into you lately?" Ilia asks. I jerk slightly, looking at her. "You used to love being around the kids. Now whenever you come to Ordon, you seem reluctant to be around 'em?"

I inhale, then let the deep breath out. "They admire me."

"So? They've always looked up to you. 'Specially Colin."

I lower my head. "There's nothing about me _to_ look up to any more. All I do is booze around and beg for money. Soon, I'll even be too short for _Malo _to look up to! Why can't they look up to Rusl? He's perfect."

Ilia slipped a hand in mine. "Link, nobody's perfect. You're jus' findin' your way, is all." I mumble, turning my head so Ilia could only see the back. "A-an' you've got plenty admirable qualities."

"Oh?" I whip my head around to glare at her. "Like what?"

I think the forcefulness of the question caught her off guard. She stuttered before answering, "You're creative! An' you've a great... fashion sense! I mean, jus' look at your shirt! The front and back are different!"

I tug on the plaid front of my top. "I wear this shirt all the time."

"Well, you're... handsome."

Oh no. She played the 'compliment my attractiveness' card. I couldn't force back the smile tugging at my lips. "Yeah, I guess I am pretty... _pretty_."

"Yes, you're _very_ pretty," Ilia giggles, rolling her eyes. "The children can aspire to be as pretty as you."

I nod, unable to stop smiling.

"Like I said Link, you're jus' findin' your way," Ilia continued, her grip on my hand tightening slightly. "Jus' keep on encouragin' the kids to follow their dreams. I know that if it's comin' from _you_, they won't have any problems."

Unlike me, of course.

I push the negatives thoughts to the back of my mind when we reach the stables. These are used for giving riding lessons to children during the weekends. Right now however, they were for me.

We walk down a line of horses until we get to a large brown mare. A big smile stretches across my face. From the similar look on Ilia's face, I must literally be beaming. Ilia unlocks the hatch, allowing Epona to push full force against me, nuzzling me. I laugh, rubbing my cheek against her soft fur. She smells of hay, dirt and crap, just the way I like. I stroke her long face, planting a kiss on it. "Hey Epona," I breathe. She moves her head away from mine, sniffing my person in search for a snack. I chuckle. "Is that the only reason you love me girl?" When her search proves futile, she prods my face with her wet nose, silently begging me for a snack. I turn to Ilia. "I hope you've been feeding her!"

"Of course!" Ilia snaps. "But Epona is the strongest horse here! I can't keep on givin' her treats!"

I huff comically. I thought girls know what girls want, and if my girl wanted treats, then treats she should be showered in!

"Saddle her up please," I say, walking towards a large shed a few feet away.

"Where do you think you're goin'?" Ilia calls.

I don't answer. The shed is full of spare equipment, cleaning products, and food. There are sacks upon sacks of food; healthy boring stuff and sweet tasty snacks. I fill my hands with the tasty stuff – carrots coated in some caramelised oats – and nick a couple of sugar cubes I notice in a container nearby. When I rush back out, I hear Ilia shuffling about inside Epona's stable, my girl restlessly stomping her hooves, that is until she sees me. I don't need to ask her to come closer, because as soon as she notices what my hands are full of, she almost gallops into me. My girl crunches and licks up the snacks while I kiss her again.

Her slimy tongue laps my palms afterwards. "Eww, gross!" I laugh. I wipe my hands on my jeans. A happy Epona nuzzles me again.

_Clunk! _Ilia makes herself known by dropping the saddle by my feet. "I hope you didn't feed her too much."

"She's fine! Aren't you girl?" Epona neighs in response, her beady eyes practically sparkling.

Ilia rolls her eyes. "Well, _you_ can saddle her up. I hope you still remember how to after bein' in the city for so long."

"_You're_ in Hyrule as much as I am!"

Ilia took no notice, strutting away. Of course I remember something as simple as how to saddle a horse. I immediately get started. Reins and belts fly into place thanks to my skilled hands. In a few minutes, I have them all fitted, looped and secured. Ha! If only Ilia saw. Maybe then she won't doubt _this_ City Boy.

I climbed on Epona with little difficulty, stroking her thick mane. Then I hear a gasp to my left. Ilia is on a horse of her own, her white coat a contrast to Epona's brown, her lean frame differing from Epona's built one. "Did the City Boy do all that himself?" Ilia teases. I toss my head in the air, sticking my nose up.

Ilia and her horse – Vie, I believe – trot past us. She turns around and winks at me. "But does he still have what it takes to win in a race?"

Epona neighs and I smirk, competitiveness suddenly fuelling the both of us. "It's been a while since you've eaten my dust. Challenge accepted!"

_XOXOXOX_

"You cheated!"

Ilia, and even Vie, cackle at Epona and I. "It's not _cheating_, it's... taking advantage of the track."

At this point, Ilia had hopped off Vie, giving the horse a break. "You took a shortcut," I seethed.

"Like I said, taking advantage of the track."

"_Cheating_."

Ilia would not wipe that smug look off her face. Is it wrong to think that I want to do that for her? "I don't know why you're gettin' so worked up. You used to cheat all the time when we were kids. Bein' in the city for so long really changed you."

I scramble off Epona's back, landing next to Ilia. "You just admit to cheating!"

"No, I said _you_ used to cheat. You would stuff Vie with sugar beforehand so she could barely walk, or distract her with carrots during the race! I simply took advantage of the track."

_Took advantage of the track. Took advantage of the track._ I'm going to take advantage of _her_ track... Wait... That didn't come out right.

As it's practically pitch black, although it couldn't be any later than six pm, we lead the horses back to the stables, arguing on the way. It's true that I may have cheated a bit when we raced as children, but I was only a little boy. Being young is practically cheating at _life_. All you have to do is cry then you get everything you want. Oh, how I miss being young.

Once back at the stables, we unsaddle the horses before locking them up again. Just as I kiss Epona goodnight, a panting Fado appears on the scene. "He-hey! Uli's dinn' is ready!"

My grinning mouth starts salivating just at the sound! "Fado, always the bringer of good news!" I glee, hugging him. I don't give him a chance to hug back, as I'm already beginning to jog back to the houses. "Race you there. And _no shortcuts_!"

I hear Ilia laugh and Fado groan. Being so energetic, and thanks to my head start, I obviously make it to the porch of Ilia's home before the either of them. They aren't too far behind, Ilia dragging Fado with her, his hand in hers. I can't tell if his cheeks are red because of exertion or embarrassment. I chuckle. Definitely both.

Once they make it, Fado looking like he might just collapse, Ilia pretends to be cross. "Well, I guess we're even now," she says, puffing slightly. I just nod smugly. "Geez, then let's go in! I can smell the food from out here!"

The three of us march into the house, Fado's hand not leaving Ilia's until she let go. There is already chit chat coming from the lit dining room to the right, which is where we all head. Ilia's house has the biggest dining room, as it's where Ordon have most of our gatherings and feasts. If there is good weather, we'll eat outside instead.

Around the table are Bo, Rusl, Uli and Auru. Ilia, Fado and I are greeted warmly as we take our seats next to each other, with me between the two. The seven of us are around the head of the table, the adults' plates already full with the food laid out in front of us. "Please, help yourselves," Uli says. She doesn't need to tell me twice.

My plate is quickly piled with buttery mash, juicy cucco and strangely sweet smelling spinach. My bowl is filled to the brim with pumpkin soup, dumplings provided for all my dipping pleasures. The aroma in the room was celestial. I could've died and went to Paradise without noticing. Then I sink my teeth into the tender cucco. No, I'm sure I must be in Paradise. This taste is too divine to be on a mortal plane. "Thanks so much Uli!" I chirp, showing off the meat in my mouth. Ilia nudges me with a sharp elbow.

"Don't talk with your mouth full!" she snaps.

"But my mouth isn't full, see?"

"Ugh, no, I don't _want_ to see!"

Ilia pushes my face away from her. I lean on Fado, the both of us stifling laughter. Ilia tries her best to ignore us, throwing food onto her plate. The adults chuckle at the spectacle. Plates decorated with food and glasses spilling with fresh apple cider, the seven of us enjoy a glorious dinner. The other adults of Ordon couldn't make it as they were looking after the children, the children – hopefully – looking after Shade. The talk is on Rusl, as he was away from Ordon longer than me. He and Auru are archaeologists, and although they don't go around in short shorts, dodging boulders and shooting dinosaurs, their stories of exploring different areas for history are equally as fascinating, whether it be the traversing lavish forests or surviving the barren deserts.

Rusl has always wanted to be an archaeologist. When I was young and living in Ordon, he'd sometimes take me exploring through the woods. We'd camp out for days on end, taking pictures of anything that moved, and drawing anything that didn't. It was because of such that I used to have such a love for painting. Because of Rusl's unwavering ambitions and my childish imaginations, those days out are high up on my list of best memories in Ordon. Then Rusl left to study, which is where he met Auru. The old man took young Rusl under his wing, and since then has been living his dream. Even when he does come home, he returns to a beautiful wife and two children. Truly, Rusl's life is nothing short of _perfect_.

"What 'bout you, City Boy?" Bo questions. I look up from a stack of pictures that the archaeologist duo had given us to pass around. With my attention away from them, Fado snatches the lot from my hand. "Any interestin' stories to tell us of the city life?"

"Uh..." I begin, my mouth hanging open. Ilia smirks at me. I can _feel_ Fado grinning.

"You live with Griselda, don't you?" Auru asks. "How is she treating you? I know from my days tutoring her that she's a lovely little soul, isn't she?"

I splutter, choking on air. Zelda, _lovely little soul_? I don't think she _has_ a soul! Fado and Ilia are biting their lips, holding back their sniggers. They aren't alien to the way I get treated in Hyrule.

The adult look at us curiously. "Uh..." I repeat. "She's... fine."

"Oh, I see," Uli starts. "You don't happen to have a crush on her, do you?"

Fado roars with laughter, Ilia holding her face in her hands, joining in quietly. I cover my mouth, coughing into my hands. I probably crushed on Zelda _once_, maybe during the first ten seconds of our meeting. But when she quickly established her character and what she thought of my worth – absolutely nothing – there was no love in the air ever again.

Once the three of us teens have calmed down, I just shake my head at Uli's question. "No, really, she's just... fine."

The adults exchange glances, before turning back to me. For some reason, I feel an integration coming on. "Surely you have someone special? You're so handsome! You must be popular with the ladies." Uli continues.

I smile at the compliment, then it fades. I was popular with the ladies, on Saturday nights, when I am usually so intoxicated I can barely tell the difference between a lady or a gent. "Yeah, you could say..." My butt suddenly numbs with the memory that I woke up from one of those nights at the beginning of the day. "I'm, uh, too busy to be thinking about love anyway."

Thoughts of Midna suddenly plague my mind.

"Atta boy!" Bo exclaims. "Work comes first, right?"

I nodded vigorously, both trying to persuade myself and shake Midna's hips from my mind. "So you've finally decided on something you want to do in future?" Rusl asks. The nodding becomes shaking.

"But you're so talented Link," Uli coos. "You can be anything you want to be!"

"Isn't that just a polite way of saying you'll disown me if I don't become a doctor?" I shrug. The room is filled with laughter once again, though I'm not joining in. I was being dead serious.

"I'm not a doctor," Rusl says. "It's not about the high paid jobs, it's about doing what you like."

What I like? Maybe I could become a paparazzi! My job would literally be stalking Mikau, maybe even _touching_ him.

And just like that, Midna's hips are replaced with Mikau's. Damn it.

Uli speaks up. "Don't you like painting?"

I grimace. I can't remember the last time I painted, let alone pick up a paintbrush. You'll remember me saying I used to love it. As of the past year, I haven't had an ounce of inspiration. That was the beginning of my life spiralling downwards. The whole boozing around started a couple of months back. Sometimes it feels like I've hit rock bottom.

I shake my head.

I shake my head at everything else Uli names; sewing, crafting, music, animals, history, geography, I know she's getting desperate when she considers _gaming_ a career path. By this time, the once light and welcoming atmosphere has turned awkward and irritable. _I'm_ certainly becoming irritated.

"Don't be discouraged if you want to pursue a career in the arts," Auru explains. "It is a competitive market, but you're young and have a lot of opportunities. You shouldn't be afraid to take a few of them."

I just nod, turning to my forgotten food. The once otherworldly taste of pumpkin soup is now bitter. I force it down my throat.

"I understand that feeling," Rusl says. I almost snort. "I wasn't always sure that archaeology would be the best path, but meeting Auru really helped me out."

How could Rusl compare himself to me? He got everything he wanted _without_ shedding a tear. What was once aspiration to be like him is now jealously. My face must literally be green with envy as I look at him. Next to his wife. Next to his mentor. Surrounded with happiness.

I forgot what he said, but I'm nodding. Another spoonful of soup goes in my mouth. I also forgot about the change of taste. Rusl looks concerned. "What's on your mind?"

_Shut the fuck up about my fucking future and fucking let me eat this fucking shit, you son of a motherfuckin-_

"Can we just finish eating, please?" is what actually comes out of my mouth, trying to sound as polite as possible.

Ilia puts a hand on my shoulder, whispering, "You okay?" I nod, trying to smile. Neither of us believe the lie.

The rest of dinner goes by uneventfully, light chatter passed around. At least the attention is off me. I force down as much food as possible before my stomach whines quietly at me. Uli is surprised that I don't finish. I blame tiredness. A sudden weight crashes on my shoulders at that, and I feel about ready to collapse. It _has_ been a long day.

After dinner, farewells are said and hugs are exchanged. Ilia gives me my overnight bag before I forget, and I retrieve Shade from a tired group of children. Me, Shade and Fado barrel into his truck. Shade curls up by my feet, I leaning back, fingers pinching the bridge of my nose. Fado emits a weak chuckle at the sight.

"I'm gonna guess that was a disaster," he says.

I sigh. "My life is a disaster."

The engine coughs, chokes, then purrs. I shiver at the chill. Fado's truck doesn't keep the cold out very well. Still, I close my eyes. After that, sleep came easy.

* * *

******Sorry for the long delay. I was on holiday for a week, then college started, then I got into Avatar and Korra, then I got SSB4, then I started planning more fanfictions, then life started being crappy, and this chapter was extremely difficult to write, but it's here at last! Chapter 6 will be out sooner, don't worry. Notes for this chapter:**

**Rusl is kinda based off one of my brothers, because although he's still young, he's getting on with his life, met the love of his life, and he's always seem to know what he's wanted to do. That means I'm like Link, lost, confused, and wasting my life away. Only I don't drink or have unprotected sex. I just draw, write and sleep. Haha, when I thought up this fic it was supposed to be light hearted comedy for immature teenagers, not be reflective of my life. ;) Oh well...**

**I actually don't swear at all in real life, so I absolutely love foul mouthed Link. I don't want to over do it, but I literally can't get enough of it. XD It's so fun.**

*******sniggers* _Lincoln_. Auru calls Link 'Master Link' in TP for no reason at all, but it'd be weird if he did the same here, so he just calls everyone by their un****abbreviated first names. *sniggers* _Griselda_.**

**Thanks for reading!**


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